break the silence
melodies
long gone
Friday, December 16, 2011
I remember how your finger nails grow. When you've forgotten to clip them, something you hate to do, the whites grow upward, making it look like there is a dent in the middle of your nails.
What do you even do now? Do you still wear white pleather athletic shoes in a size that I could never dream of fitting my feet into?
Somehow you grew two inches in college. I'm still not sure how you pulled that one off.
There was a girl who used to annoy us with her incessant talk of boys-- boys who would never like her, boys who she thought liked us, boys who she has let touch her boobs.
Her boobs. That was what she talked about the most. We had a mutual friend who saw them once and she said they made her sad because there were stretch marks all over them. We never had boobs, but you had more than me. Sometimes, when I forgot my clothes at home, I'd have to borrow one of your bras and the underwire itched and I didn't know how you could stand it.
For awhile I lived at your house, on your floor. One night, you asked if you could sleep on the air mattress with me. I'm still not quite sure why. You told me about how your older brother's ex-fiancé spent the night once and you talked about real things, but I guess they weren't really all that important or I would remember them. I remember you talked in your sleep that night. I kicked you.
You drooled on your pillow too.
What do you even do now? Do you still wear white pleather athletic shoes in a size that I could never dream of fitting my feet into?
Somehow you grew two inches in college. I'm still not sure how you pulled that one off.
There was a girl who used to annoy us with her incessant talk of boys-- boys who would never like her, boys who she thought liked us, boys who she has let touch her boobs.
Her boobs. That was what she talked about the most. We had a mutual friend who saw them once and she said they made her sad because there were stretch marks all over them. We never had boobs, but you had more than me. Sometimes, when I forgot my clothes at home, I'd have to borrow one of your bras and the underwire itched and I didn't know how you could stand it.
For awhile I lived at your house, on your floor. One night, you asked if you could sleep on the air mattress with me. I'm still not quite sure why. You told me about how your older brother's ex-fiancé spent the night once and you talked about real things, but I guess they weren't really all that important or I would remember them. I remember you talked in your sleep that night. I kicked you.
You drooled on your pillow too.
Labels: boobs, boys, Ex-best friends, finger nails, girls, I miss you, teenagers
1:40 AM
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Finally relaxing and looking forward to sleeping in. Luckily, school was paced well last week and it's looking to be that way this week too, so tomorrow I can spend catching up on Brit Lit (watching Hamlet tonight(David Tennant! <3)) and studying for the CogPsy test due by midnight. Then Switchfoot in Austin Tuesday. :D Yusss.
Spent after church and night church time planning for bringing Bible study back with Patricia. I knew that much of the Christian section of bookstores was overrun with "God-is-my-boyfriend" and "I'm a princess, where is my godly knight"-type books, but even online? Really? That really sucks. It upsets me that women writers are either shallow enough to think that all teenage girls/young women are obsessed with boyfriends, love, sex, their self-image, and have low self-esteems, or that they are "smart" enough to cash in and scam all these grandma's and mom's who go out and buy the girls in their life these books.
Some girls struggle with these kind of things. I understand. But what about the rest of us?
I'm not a teenager anymore, but I remember this being a problem back then too. I was a new Christian back then (and still am, relatively) and was more focused on reading the Bible itself instead of supplementary material, so I didn't realize back then, but there isn't much out there for just the normal girl (or young woman; finding stuff for young adults is kinda hard too) who isn't obsessed with these things and who is comfortable with herself. Maybe we're the minority. I mean, we all have our struggles and I have fallen pray to all of these things at some point in my life, but this whole thing about wanting to be a figurative (I think? I hope?) princess, etc. is not something I've ever wanted, or even considered at all for that matter. But if these kind of books help the girlier-girls out there (and they have to exist because all of Taylor Swift's songs are directed at them), more power to them. It would just be nice to have something for everyone else. After we failed to find anything, we started looking at books aimed at young adults that were more unisex and found quite a few things, it just would have been nice to have something that is specifically for girls.
The screen is blinding me, so sorry for the bad punctuation and sentence structure or for not making sense or whatever.
Still living in the pantry. I like it there. It's nice and dark and quiet.
Been praying more. Like we all should be. It's easy to get caught up in work and school and forget, or to mean to do it before you go to sleep and then doze off before you can. Fail, on my part. I'm working on picking back up the pieces of my life and giving them to Him. It's just hard.
Gonna start copying Rachel signing off with confessions. Here we go.
Spent after church and night church time planning for bringing Bible study back with Patricia. I knew that much of the Christian section of bookstores was overrun with "God-is-my-boyfriend" and "I'm a princess, where is my godly knight"-type books, but even online? Really? That really sucks. It upsets me that women writers are either shallow enough to think that all teenage girls/young women are obsessed with boyfriends, love, sex, their self-image, and have low self-esteems, or that they are "smart" enough to cash in and scam all these grandma's and mom's who go out and buy the girls in their life these books.
Some girls struggle with these kind of things. I understand. But what about the rest of us?
I'm not a teenager anymore, but I remember this being a problem back then too. I was a new Christian back then (and still am, relatively) and was more focused on reading the Bible itself instead of supplementary material, so I didn't realize back then, but there isn't much out there for just the normal girl (or young woman; finding stuff for young adults is kinda hard too) who isn't obsessed with these things and who is comfortable with herself. Maybe we're the minority. I mean, we all have our struggles and I have fallen pray to all of these things at some point in my life, but this whole thing about wanting to be a figurative (I think? I hope?) princess, etc. is not something I've ever wanted, or even considered at all for that matter. But if these kind of books help the girlier-girls out there (and they have to exist because all of Taylor Swift's songs are directed at them), more power to them. It would just be nice to have something for everyone else. After we failed to find anything, we started looking at books aimed at young adults that were more unisex and found quite a few things, it just would have been nice to have something that is specifically for girls.
The screen is blinding me, so sorry for the bad punctuation and sentence structure or for not making sense or whatever.
Still living in the pantry. I like it there. It's nice and dark and quiet.
Been praying more. Like we all should be. It's easy to get caught up in work and school and forget, or to mean to do it before you go to sleep and then doze off before you can. Fail, on my part. I'm working on picking back up the pieces of my life and giving them to Him. It's just hard.
Gonna start copying Rachel signing off with confessions. Here we go.
#1. I still think about you a lot and I don't think that's ever going to stop. I have a hard time letting go, but I've heard you already have. That's okay. I won't seek you out because I already gave you my answer and you gave me mine. Sometimes things aren't black and white and you need time to think. My answer is still the same. I love you. I'll always be here.
Labels: Bible, David Tennant, girls, God, Jesus, sleepy, study, Taylor Swift, teenagers, truth, writing, young women
11:45 PM