break the silence
melodies
long gone
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Briefly reconsidered grad school yesterday. Prayed. Realized I would be doing it for myself and that I am needed here, and that God will provide a way for me to write and the material to write on (physical and subject matter, haha) if I only ask it of Him.
I am a writer. I have always been a writer. I am only getting better and will continue in this way if I remember that it is not something I have cultivated all on my own, but that it is the Father who has blessed me with this ability and it is to Him that I owe all of my words.
This is my way of serving. I don't know what the most important pieces will be about but when I write at all I feel like I learn at least a hundred new things about myself and the world and remember at least a hundred more.
It's hard to remember sometimes, that we have no right to claim anything about ourselves, even our talents. I am learning.
My heart is finally starting to break and I believe it is the most joyful and rewarding (as of now) half-experience that I have ever had a part in.
I am beginning to actually love God. And not just in that "because I have to" way, but because He is bringing me into a deeper relationship with Him and is showing me who He is. I think what I have been in for the past couple of years is a kind of in-between state. It's not that I didn't love Him, I just didn't love Him like He deserves. I know that will never happen, but I am now on the path of loving Him as much as I possibly can as a human. That's good enough for me.
Looking into alternative teaching certification programs. My goal: do this through Region 4 and teach at Sweeny High School or Junior High, giving me the internship experience I need, a real salaried job, and student loan forgiveness all at the same time.
I have a good feeling about this.
Revival is coming soon and I can feel it. Stayed up late texting Ben and Kelby and all of us have this itch to get out into the ministry community and do it our way-- through art, acceptance, and truth. Something free of doctrine, free of concerns about money, and (I hope) outside. Or at least willing to go outside and experience God in nature.
The more I pray, the more I realize just how much I need to be exactly where I am.
I am a writer. I have always been a writer. I am only getting better and will continue in this way if I remember that it is not something I have cultivated all on my own, but that it is the Father who has blessed me with this ability and it is to Him that I owe all of my words.
This is my way of serving. I don't know what the most important pieces will be about but when I write at all I feel like I learn at least a hundred new things about myself and the world and remember at least a hundred more.
It's hard to remember sometimes, that we have no right to claim anything about ourselves, even our talents. I am learning.
My heart is finally starting to break and I believe it is the most joyful and rewarding (as of now) half-experience that I have ever had a part in.
I am beginning to actually love God. And not just in that "because I have to" way, but because He is bringing me into a deeper relationship with Him and is showing me who He is. I think what I have been in for the past couple of years is a kind of in-between state. It's not that I didn't love Him, I just didn't love Him like He deserves. I know that will never happen, but I am now on the path of loving Him as much as I possibly can as a human. That's good enough for me.
Looking into alternative teaching certification programs. My goal: do this through Region 4 and teach at Sweeny High School or Junior High, giving me the internship experience I need, a real salaried job, and student loan forgiveness all at the same time.
I have a good feeling about this.
Revival is coming soon and I can feel it. Stayed up late texting Ben and Kelby and all of us have this itch to get out into the ministry community and do it our way-- through art, acceptance, and truth. Something free of doctrine, free of concerns about money, and (I hope) outside. Or at least willing to go outside and experience God in nature.
The more I pray, the more I realize just how much I need to be exactly where I am.
Labels: contentment, Father, God, Holy Spirit, Jesus, joy, prayer, revival, teaching, the way, writing, yahweh, YHWH
12:23 AM