break the silence
melodies
long gone
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Hellooo.
This summer is going by really fast... I'm sorry to say that I haven't even done that much. Mostly just school and work. Spanish takes up a lot more time than I initially thought it would. =/ When I'm not doing that, I'm either reading or playing video games at home or hanging out with friends. -sigh- I can't wait for next summer when I don't have to do anything. Definitely not taking classes, at least not ones that require me to physically be in class. Probably just a math credit for my twice-dropped advanced math/logic slot. ^^; Yeaaah. Dropped Logic I first and then Pre-Cal. That stuff is hard, okay?!
I've been writing some music. That's...new. I hate taking from the creative world and not giving back, and for the past, well, since things ended with him, I've felt that I haven't been creating enough. Still no lyrics, really; I try with those but they never turn out very well. I think the parts I like about music the most might not be the words, but the composition itself. The highs and lows, listening down to each level of instrumentation. I'm so glad that I was in band for seven years. I learned so much, about music and what it means to be a musician and to create and to reinterpret what others write, as well as about life and people in general. Lots of life lessons to be learned in the band hall, haha. I can still play my trumpet, and I'm glad about that, but there isn't much place for it, unfortunately. Seth is a crackhead now so that kinda eliminates the ska band idea. Oh well. It'll be useful one day. ^_^ So until then I keep playing guitar and singing. I'd really like to learn piano... I can do really simple stuff but I'm at a complete loss technique-wise.
He keeps fading in and out of my life. I keep thinking we're never going to cross paths ever again except through talk from other people, but our lives continue to weave delicately in and out... When he quit talking to me last time, I didn't hear from him for a few months. But then I started hearing from basically anyone who would ever have anything to do with me, close friends, new friends, acquaintances, old friends who I haven't kept up with like I should, his own sisters, that he had been asking about me and trying to figure out how I was doing. Grasping in every direction. I felt like God was telling me to wait and that he would talk to me when the time was right, so I didn't try to contact him and I avoided him to the point of not coming home. Then he sought me out, saying that God had been telling him for months to talk to me and that he couldn't get me out of his head. We don't talk very often, but I talk to him when I think he needs to hear something, and he calls me sometimes for no reason. Justin told me that "Those to Come" by The Shins racked up a ton of plays when he borrowed his iPod for a couple of days; it was his song for me, and isn't something he would (or could) just cast onto a new girl. When I asked him about it, he didn't have an answer. Do you think it is possible to love someone subconsciously? The actions he makes without thinking, that deep need to keep me in his life even though he mostly acts as though he can't stand me, and how open and honest he is with his emotions around me, whether it be yelling at or crying to or hugging me, makes me think that it might be. It was as if he simply chose to stop loving me one day, not something decided by his heart but a decision made on a conscious level.
Life is just weird sometimes. I'm not sure what any of that means, but I know that God is doing something, and I know that I am supposed to be helping him as much as I possibly can. He knows what his problems are, I just hope he can figure out how to fix them and is smart enough to constantly ask for guidance. And most of all, I hope he can remember to believe in himself. I have faith that things will get better one day. ^_^
I guess that is all for now. I have a lot of homework to do and a final to study for! On a lighter note, I would like to...exercise more, stop wasting so much money on fast food and drinks, and try harder at life in general. ^_^
Until next time!,
-Sarah
This summer is going by really fast... I'm sorry to say that I haven't even done that much. Mostly just school and work. Spanish takes up a lot more time than I initially thought it would. =/ When I'm not doing that, I'm either reading or playing video games at home or hanging out with friends. -sigh- I can't wait for next summer when I don't have to do anything. Definitely not taking classes, at least not ones that require me to physically be in class. Probably just a math credit for my twice-dropped advanced math/logic slot. ^^; Yeaaah. Dropped Logic I first and then Pre-Cal. That stuff is hard, okay?!
I've been writing some music. That's...new. I hate taking from the creative world and not giving back, and for the past, well, since things ended with him, I've felt that I haven't been creating enough. Still no lyrics, really; I try with those but they never turn out very well. I think the parts I like about music the most might not be the words, but the composition itself. The highs and lows, listening down to each level of instrumentation. I'm so glad that I was in band for seven years. I learned so much, about music and what it means to be a musician and to create and to reinterpret what others write, as well as about life and people in general. Lots of life lessons to be learned in the band hall, haha. I can still play my trumpet, and I'm glad about that, but there isn't much place for it, unfortunately. Seth is a crackhead now so that kinda eliminates the ska band idea. Oh well. It'll be useful one day. ^_^ So until then I keep playing guitar and singing. I'd really like to learn piano... I can do really simple stuff but I'm at a complete loss technique-wise.
He keeps fading in and out of my life. I keep thinking we're never going to cross paths ever again except through talk from other people, but our lives continue to weave delicately in and out... When he quit talking to me last time, I didn't hear from him for a few months. But then I started hearing from basically anyone who would ever have anything to do with me, close friends, new friends, acquaintances, old friends who I haven't kept up with like I should, his own sisters, that he had been asking about me and trying to figure out how I was doing. Grasping in every direction. I felt like God was telling me to wait and that he would talk to me when the time was right, so I didn't try to contact him and I avoided him to the point of not coming home. Then he sought me out, saying that God had been telling him for months to talk to me and that he couldn't get me out of his head. We don't talk very often, but I talk to him when I think he needs to hear something, and he calls me sometimes for no reason. Justin told me that "Those to Come" by The Shins racked up a ton of plays when he borrowed his iPod for a couple of days; it was his song for me, and isn't something he would (or could) just cast onto a new girl. When I asked him about it, he didn't have an answer. Do you think it is possible to love someone subconsciously? The actions he makes without thinking, that deep need to keep me in his life even though he mostly acts as though he can't stand me, and how open and honest he is with his emotions around me, whether it be yelling at or crying to or hugging me, makes me think that it might be. It was as if he simply chose to stop loving me one day, not something decided by his heart but a decision made on a conscious level.
Life is just weird sometimes. I'm not sure what any of that means, but I know that God is doing something, and I know that I am supposed to be helping him as much as I possibly can. He knows what his problems are, I just hope he can figure out how to fix them and is smart enough to constantly ask for guidance. And most of all, I hope he can remember to believe in himself. I have faith that things will get better one day. ^_^
I guess that is all for now. I have a lot of homework to do and a final to study for! On a lighter note, I would like to...exercise more, stop wasting so much money on fast food and drinks, and try harder at life in general. ^_^
Until next time!,
-Sarah
9:12 PM